Hi.

How are you? If you’re reading this, I’m gonna guess… pretty meh.

You’ve reached a strange part of the internet— the kind of place you can’t find unless you’re not looking. Congratulations. Or… sorry. I’m not sure which is more appropriate.

This is a new project I’m starting. It’s called the Diary of Sisyphus. I’ll get into what that means in a second.

I’ve been blogging since 2012, back when Gotye was the most popular artist in the world.

I had a very small following, mostly built through drunkenly friending people on Facebook at college parties. A few of my posts went semi-viral, like, 15K views— nothing special. It was enough to turn me into an unfettered egomaniac.

I went a little crazy. I wrote for a few more years. Then I took a break from blogging.

Since then, I’ve bounced around from job to job. I spent 5 years doing manual labor jobs and 7 doing stand-up comedy. I’m not sure which was worse.

Now, I’m 29, married, with $28,000 of student loan debt. At the time of writing this, I have $18 in my checking account— enough for two medium hot specialty subs at Firehouse Subs, which is how I plan on spending it.

Earlier this year, I spent a week in a mental hospital where I was diagnosed with the following:

I don’t know why they had to flame me on the alcohol stuff. I don’t even get that drunk anymore. Charlatans.

Blah blah blah, long story short, I decided to start another blog.

I have no delusions of grandeur. Well, maybe a few. But now that I have somewhat of a handle on my mental health problems (Lexapro rules), I think it’s time to leave my hovel and venture back out into the world of trying to make cool shit. It’s really the only thing that makes me happy.

Maybe this is just the death throes of my ego. Maybe I’m just one of these wayward vulnerable narcissists who can’t live in a world where they’re not the center of attention. Maybe I’d be better off just shutting the fuck up and going away. These are all valid points.

I guess I feel like I’m either crazy or right— and this blog is a way to find out.

I look around me and see a morally bankrupt world. It feels like someone just pulled the fire alarm and we’re all trampling over each other to reach the exit, a promise of Valhalla, a path to salvation paved by Amazon drop shipping schemes and pump and dump crypto currency scams.

I don’t see anybody talking about the ideas behind the ideas. I mean sure, there’s a few people. But they’re boring and I’m not. What if Carl Jung did dick jokes— that’s what I’m going for. A sort of populist pop-psychology humor diary-ish blog… thing.

I think if I abide by the following guidelines, I’ll be in good shape:

1. Never try to sound smart: My informal writing style is meant to be a guard against my own, gross, self-righteous tendencies. Every attempt at making a point should be immediately followed by merciless self-flagellation.

2. No politics or surface-level hot-takery: The national narrative is a sham constructed by the owners of this country to keep the populace fighting with each other so they can run off with all the money. I refuse to pretend like any of that shit is real or important to my life.

3. Keep my personal squabbles out of it: As much as I’d love to light up my incompetent former boss on the internet, nobody wants to hear that shit. I want to keep my posts universal and not use this as a bully pulpit to air out my dirty laundry. I will break this rule often.

4. Focus on people: The world doesn’t need more moralistic handwringing or performative outrage. Instead, I want to focus on what unites us. I want to ask the important questions. I want to talk like you and I are the only two people in the room. I can’t promise that I’m going to help you, but I’m at least going to acknowledge your humanity.

5. Never reveal my identity: Building a brand for myself always felt gross. It’s just easier to compartmentalize things if I don’t tell you who I am. I need that layer of separation in order for these ideas to flow freely. Plus, I don’t want my grandma to read this shit. Luckily, she’s dead.

Who is Sisyphus?

Because I’m lazy, I’m just going to screenshot the opening paragraph from Wikipedia for you:

Essentially, homeboy is a metaphor for you and me. We all have our own boulders, our own burdens to bear. The majority of people have menial, soul-sucking jobs, where they repeat essentially the same tasks, day after day, hoping tomorrow will be different.

But tomorrow never comes.

The boulder rolls back down.

Philosopher Albert Camus made these same points much more elegantly in his book, The Myth of Sisyphus. Back to our old, trusty friend, Wikipedia:

This philosophy has come to shape my life. It’s really the only one that makes sense.

I’ve lifted a lot of boulders over the last 29 years and I can’t say that I’m any closer to happiness now than when I was a child. I’m wiser now, hopefully. A little more aware of my personality defects, definitely. But I’m no closer to answering that ultimate question:

What the fuck is the point of all this?

What is the Diary of Sisyphus?

The Diary of Sisyphus is a blog written by a person who exists. Unless I’m dead, or in some weird state of purgatory, where the only way to pass on to the afterlife is to become a successful philosophy blogger. This might be a worse punishment than Sisyphus’s. At least that dude got exercise.

This blog is meant to be a collection of humorous musings and existential meditations, but we’ll see what happens. Three months from now I’ll probably be shilling cryptocurrency.

SISYPHUS COIN: GET IN NOW BEFORE THE ROCK ROLLS BACK DOWN!!!!!!

Why should I care?

You shouldn’t. You should do whippets in your bedroom until the blood vessels in your asshole explode and you drown in a pool of your own blood. Too dark? I’m sorry.

You shouldn’t care, and if you don’t, fantastic, you’re off to a great start. I truly believe that nihilism is the first step toward enlightenment. I don’t trust people who haven't, at least at some point in their life, looked around and went, “oh, this is all bullshit.” If that’s you, you’re in the right place.

If you believe happiness comes from accumulating wealth and status, cars and bitches, this probably isn’t the blog for you. Here are a few alternative options.

If you believe salvation comes from electing a certain political candidate, this probably isn’t the blog for you. Here are a few alternative options.

If you enjoy FOX’s The Masked Singer, you should seek medical attention immediately. Also, this probably isn’t the blog for you. Here are a few alternative options.

If you have a curious mind and you don’t take yourself too seriously, welcome home.

Welcome to the Diary of Sisyphus.